I really must say I walked out of this movie thinking 2 thoughts…1st was ..’WTF!!!’ 2nd was…  ‘Holy Shite that was long, somewhat dreary and why did everyone speak in a monotone’.. Oh ..and that I was hungry because it had been a long day and I went straight there and yeah..the length of it.

Let me start off with what I liked..

 

OK.. kidding.. there were a few things I liked… I loved the dilapidated house setting in Detroit that Adam (Tom Hiddleston) lived in and the total and complete 70’s vibe it gave as even when he was ‘Skyping’ with Eve (Tilda Swinton)…yep you got it..’Adam’ & ‘Eve’ are the two lead Vampires and yes they are married (I see you all *eyerolling*) ..back to the Skyping, she did it by phone, he had all these weird connector thingys as it seems since he’s been around for forever and a day, he knows how to make mountains out of molehills apparently..and got her on an old 70’s TV screen.  When they shot in Tangiers..you got the vibe there though there is absolutely no scenic photography here at all..you still got it.  Anton Yelchin (Ian) was fun and played the role of sorta the ‘dealer of ‘Antiquities’ for Adam. And I like Tom Hiddleston period..except one little thing.. he really just needs to eat a cheeseburger..or maybe 5..as he is rack thin especially for a man.

So what I got from this movie was a somewhat different take on the story of Vampires portrayed as people who have been living way to long and exist in our present society today  They name drop their ‘friends’ who they have known throughout the centuries as if it was a Paris Hilton twitter account & try to make it funny, but it doesn’t come off that way..at all. not even a little..slight ha! maybe and that’s all the audience at the screening I was at on Tuesday evening could muster. They don’t kill people to drink blood but buy it from sources like Dr. Watson, yes again, I know the name thing,..(Jeffrey Wright) which to me was very ‘Twilight-ish’ and some of it this movie, like why they had to wear gIoves I just didn’t plain get. Basically, Adam, who was a rock-star in probably the 70’s era and who’s music was leaked to the world maybe by accident, didn’t want to be famous so he’s since become a depressed, reclusive vampire who only allows Ian to visit him and bring him what he needs.  Eve, his wife, though they don’t live together, comes to him in Detroit from Tangiers when she realizes he might ‘try it’ again..yep..suicidal vampire that he is.

As they progress they are in for a surprise visit from Eve’s sister, Ava (Mia Wasikowska) who last time she popped up in their lives some 80+ years ago, she apparently caused more than one disaster, which of course, true to form, she does again, though I can’t say what as it would be a huge spoiler and we all know how they suck!! Anyway, they then pop back to Tangiers..mind you they can only take night flights, and it seems their main vampire man and blood source there, Marlowe (John Hurt) who may or may not actually be Shakespeare, is dying.. I thought vampires lived forever no??

I know Jim Jarmusch does ‘creative’ movies and have seen my fair share of them, but this was just a bit on the bizarre side for me and not sure how some are saying so ‘artistic’ as well, no..for me it really wasn’t, I know people will freak over this, but I’ve never been the biggest Tilda Swinton fan, but this is definitely her type of movie. What I didn’t get is some small things like why does every character have to have big teased up hair?? It’s not set in the 80’s.. why is Adam some mechanical genius but yet we never really know why or why he doesn’t use technology yet all the other characters do…I guess that’s the ‘quirky, creative’ parts of it I just didn’t get. And I know some people have said it’s funny.. no..it’s really not.. Again, a little ha! here & there..I guess what confused me the most was what is this movie exactly supposed to be..and with that…

Grade C-  (barely)

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