Los Angeles and San Francisco – WE ARE DOOMED!! Serious note, I’m not really even sure what to say about this film.
From the moment this film opens with a scene they clearly scooped from the opening sequence of JAWS with dramatic music and a girl – in this one driving a car mindlessly distracted, checking her phone etc..with cars driving narrowly at her on Mulholland Dr. when suddenly BAM..over the cliff she goes AND on que – dramatic rescue, you pretty much get exactly what you need to know about where the rest of the film is headed.
The film and all it’s characters run the all too familiar ball-game gamut of disaster films. “Ray Gaines” (Dewayne Johnson) is a helicopter pilot with the LA Fire and Rescue Dept. “Emma” (Carla Gugino) his soon to be ex-wife whom is now with new boyfriend, wealthy developer “Daniel Riddick” (Ioan Gruffudd) who proves himself to be an untrustworthy one at that when he ditches Ray & Emma’s daughter “Blake” (Alexandra Daddario) after the quake hits to save himself while in San Francisco.
In the meantime Paul Giamatti as Cal Tech Earthquake specialist “Lawrence”, his staff and never flinching reporter “Serena” (Archie Panjabi) found they have just learned they can predict earthquakes..and within moments of being able to do so guess what happens..SURPRISE!! A super earthquake is upon them at Hoover Dam where they didn’t even know fault lines existed. As they of course predict more, within mere minutes Los Angeles is coming apart at the seams and next on the list is San Francisco.
Somehow we are to just not notice or overlook the fact that Ray is supposed to be going to Hoover Dam to help the rescue efforts there but as he calmly watches the destruction ensue from his helicopter he calls Emma who is having lunch with his sister “Susan” in a little cameo from Kylie Minogue here, its like that mission never existed as he rushes to rescue her from the top of a LA high-rise that is crumbling. Best part yet, we never hear him mention a thing about his sis who’s fell off the DTLA high-rise. what? clearly no brotherly love there. Another fun fact is that not one single one of these characters look like they could be even slightly related is just another fact that we must laughably ignore while watching this trainwreck film.
And since every film now has to have a token Brit in it, even though it’s a disaster pic about earthquakes in the Golden State of California, we throw in our British tourist on a job interview “Ben” (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) as a love interest for Blake and his little brother “Ollie” (Art Parkinson) and you’ve got your human drama all neatly summed up for you in a nice little square package once the fault line starts a rocking.
I’d be lying if I said some of the action sequences weren’t a bit fun, and also very silly as there were points I couldn’t stop laughing yet I don’t think I was actually supposed to. I mean the film was so spectacularly bad in ways that it was..well good. And most will know exactly what I mean by that.
There is a small sub-plot about a dying daughter/sister which I believe was thrown in to make it reasonable to the audience of first off why Ray went to get Emma before anyone else and how both are so hell-bent on rescuing Blake.
But the real star of this disaster upon disaster pic is the earthquake itself and the ensuing tsunami – and they don’t seem to stop coming until SFO & LA are completely bulldozed down and there is nothing left of either city or our brains for that matter. The end fact is while having lived through a few of the big quakes here and being petrified myself of them, this film with it’s complete lack of feeling, barely scares me into making another earthquake kit.