REVIEW: “SKYSCRAPER” (2018) Universal Studios

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You know how sometimes you see a movie that is so bad..it’s good. Well, “SKYSCRAPER” was not that movie. It’s just flat out completely terrible. There is not one redeeming quality to this film except for maybe the fact that you will laugh out loud at how bad it truly is – as the audience at last Monday’s Arclight Hollywood media screening most certainly did. They also erupted into applause in scene after scene, noting the absolute straining of credibility and common sense this film puts forth.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (whom I believe doesn’t use The Rock anymore at all – but come on, it’s still a fun name) plays Will Sawyer, a former FBI operative who loses a leg during a botched mission. Yes people, I shit you not, The Rock is an amputee who uses that fake aluminium leg in more ways than anyone ever thought possible. The good thing that seemingly happens to you when you blow a mission & a leg is that you find a combat surgeon wife Sarah (Neve Campbell),and twins Georgia (McKenna Roberts) & Henry (Noah Cottrell). Picking up 10 years later, Sawyer is now a security consultant and is in Hong Kong to access and give approval to the worlds tallest building “The Pearl” owned by Hong Kong developer Zhao Long Ji (Chin Han).

Little does he know his best friend whom he survived his mission years ago with – Ben (Pablo Schreiber), is stabbing him in the back and setting him up to fail as he is working for our villan of this silly movie, Kores Botha (Roland Møller). Kores kidnaps his wife & kids and in order to get them back, he must of course do all sorts of crazy antics – such as, but not limited to, scaling up 96 stories on a construction crane and pulling himself thru windows with his own sheer will of strength (sigh), all while the ledge is crumbling around him. Oh..and let’s not forget that Sarah is calling up to him from the ground floor of the building at one point and he can ‘hear her’. Yes, bionic hearing at it’s best.

There really isn’t any reason to go any further as this movie is just flat out ridiculous. And look, I get it, Johnson ia the replacement for Schwarznegger, Stallone and Willis, as they are just too old at this point. But some of their movies were actually good. I’m still waiting for that one of The Rock’s that is.

So let me do you all a solid here and advise you that instead of seeing this one, spend your hard earned money on a great indie film whose whole budget is probably .000018% of what The Rock got paid, and see a good movie instead.

Grade: D-
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Media Review Screening: Monday, July 9, 2018 ~ Courtesy of Universal Pictures

“SKYSCRAPER” IS IN THEATERS NATIONWIDE/WORLDWIDE (regrettably)

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REVIEW: “SAN ANDREAS” (2015) Warner Bros.

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San Andrea

Los Angeles and San Francisco – WE ARE DOOMED!! Serious note, I’m not really even sure what to say about this film.

From the moment this film opens with a scene they clearly scooped from the opening sequence of JAWS with dramatic music and a girl – in this one driving a car mindlessly distracted, checking her phone etc..with cars driving narrowly at her on Mulholland Dr. when suddenly BAM..over the cliff she goes AND on que – dramatic rescue, you pretty much get exactly what you need to know about where the rest of the film is headed.
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The film and all it’s characters run the all too familiar ball-game gamut of disaster films. “Ray Gaines” (Dewayne Johnson) is a helicopter pilot with the LA Fire and Rescue Dept. “Emma” (Carla Gugino) his soon to be ex-wife whom is now with new boyfriend, wealthy developer “Daniel Riddick” (Ioan Gruffudd) who proves himself to be an untrustworthy one at that when he ditches Ray & Emma’s daughter “Blake” (Alexandra Daddario) after the quake hits to save himself while in San Francisco.

In the meantime Paul Giamatti as Cal Tech Earthquake specialist “Lawrence”, his staff and never flinching reporter “Serena” (Archie Panjabi) found they have just learned they can predict earthquakes..and within moments of being able to do so guess what happens..SURPRISE!! A super earthquake is upon them at Hoover Dam where they didn’t even know fault lines existed. As they of course predict more, within mere minutes Los Angeles is coming apart at the seams and next on the list is San Francisco. san andrea 1
Somehow we are to just not notice or overlook the fact that Ray is supposed to be going to Hoover Dam to help the rescue efforts there but as he calmly watches the destruction ensue from his helicopter he calls Emma who is having lunch with his sister “Susan” in a little cameo from Kylie Minogue here, its like that mission never existed as he rushes to rescue her from the top of a LA high-rise that is crumbling. Best part yet, we never hear him mention a thing about his sis who’s fell off the DTLA high-rise. what? clearly no brotherly love there. Another fun fact is that not one single one of these characters look like they could be even slightly related is just another fact that we must laughably ignore while watching this trainwreck film.
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And since every film now has to have a token Brit in it, even though it’s a disaster pic about earthquakes in the Golden State of California, we throw in our British tourist on a job interview “Ben” (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) as a love interest for Blake and his little brother “Ollie” (Art Parkinson) and you’ve got your human drama all neatly summed up for you in a nice little square package once the fault line starts a rocking.
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I’d be lying if I said some of the action sequences weren’t a bit fun, and also very silly as there were points I couldn’t stop laughing yet I don’t think I was actually supposed to. I mean the film was so spectacularly bad in ways that it was..well good. And most will know exactly what I mean by that.

There is a small sub-plot about a dying daughter/sister which I believe was thrown in to make it reasonable to the audience of first off why Ray went to get Emma before anyone else and how both are so hell-bent on rescuing Blake.

But the real star of this disaster upon disaster pic is the earthquake itself and the ensuing tsunami – and they don’t seem to stop coming until SFO & LA are completely bulldozed down and there is nothing left of either city or our brains for that matter. The end fact is while having lived through a few of the big quakes here and being petrified myself of them, this film with it’s complete lack of feeling, barely scares me into making another earthquake kit.

Grade: D
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